7/28/2021

What have I been listening to?: Claws - Charli XCX

What have I been watching?: Superstore

Last book I read: Water for Elephants

I have much to catch up on. I don't remember exactly where I left off last. I ended up coming home to Wisconsin just before the 4th of July, so I spent the 4th at home with my family. I love seeing the new puppy, Finn, who had grown noticeably even in the short span of time since I'd seen him last. He's still quite a biter, which he will hopefully grow out of. It's so fun to just be able to swoop him right up so easily and carry him around. He's so cute. 

Me and Finn on the 4th

I also spent a bit of time in Madison with my brother and sister in law. I had an interview scheduled in Milwaukee for the 9th, so ended up deciding I'd spent the night before in Madison since then it was only about an hour and twenty minute drive to Milwaukee from there. Tim and Taylor and I enjoyed playing some good tennis in the sun. 

I was understandably fairly nervous for my interview on the 9th. I ended up deciding not to wear my suit in the car on the drive because I wanted to keep the pleat in the pants nice and didn't want to sweat in the suit more than I had to. So I changed into it in the parking garage hahaha. It was my first time going to Milwaukee, so there was the added anxiety associated with driving in an unfamiliar city, finding a place to park, getting set in the parking garage, and timing everything out. Luckily I timed everything quite nicely, so I had plenty of time to get changed in the garage and get everything together to bring into the courthouse. I was so concerned about little details that had absolutely no bearing on anything--like how to do my hair and whether I should touch up my makeup.

I won't get into all the details of my interview, but it went quite well and I left feeling pretty exhilarated and excited because I was given very positive signs that I was going to get an offer. Fast forward to about 8 days later, and I did indeed get an offer, to start Fall 2022. This has been very exciting and really turned my general mood around because I felt like I was really needing a win after a fairly meh year. It had been such a disappointing and drawn-out job search for this summer, so to be able to get this job set up for after graduation is such a wonderful thing. It is precisely the kind of work I wanted to do, and I think it will be awesome to be in Milwaukee. After my interview, I was able to walk around downtown a bit and walked to the lake. I saw the art museum on the lake front and walked down the lake shore a bit. It seems really nice and kind of similar to Cleveland, actually, in the sense of being positioned right on the lake. I am already quite excited to look into where I want to live when I move. I think it would be sick to be right in downtown so as to be close to the courthouse and to fun things to do. It is very exciting to look at nice apartment buildings and look forward to living in a new, modern building where I can have a balcony, elevator, amenities, beautiful big new windows, etc. I am hoping to get a pet as well--I think a dog. 

I believe this was part of the art museum, on the lake front

Since returning to Cleveland, I have been feeling a bit more positive about things. It is wonderful to have this good thing to look forward to for after graduation. Although I still don't particularly look forward to work most days, I at least am no longer waking up with an immediate weight of dread in my stomach. It has also been great to be able to see some friends and classmates recently, after a very antisocial year. I have been hanging out a bit with some of my classmates that I work with in the school's law clinic. We went bowling for one of their birthdays and followed it with Thai food at a restaurant we were trying for the first time. I have also been hitting the beach at least once a week--every weekend--for the last month. I really enjoy laying out, people watching, listening to music or reading, and just relaxing in the sun. Edgewater Beach is pretty nice and usually fairly busy, so there's lots of peoplewatching to be had. The volleyball courts are usually active, people bring spikeball and other games, and there's lots of activity. I have also found some folks to play tennis with here, which is great because I really enjoy tennis but never had anyone to play with here. We've only played twice so far, but played for about three straight hours each time. My body was absolutely wrecked after the first time--my lower back was killing me. We are planning to play regularly each week. 

Yesterday I went into downtown Cleveland after work to meet up with a bunch of classmates for happy hour. There was an Indians game so it was an absolute bitch trying to find a place to park without bankrupting myself. I have gone into downtown Cleveland on very few occasions, so it is nerve-wracking driving around down there and trying to figure out where to park. It was nice to chat with some classmates and see a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while. Most of them were dressed quite nicely, just having gotten off from their summer associate positions downtown. Meanwhile, I had worn jean shorts to work that day. Bar scenes aren't my favorite, as I do not drink and it is not always easy to converse properly with whoever you end up sitting near, but it was alright.

After a couple hours, myself and two classmates decided to get food. We ended up at a pizza place in Lakewood called Angelo's that I've been to twice before. It was really nice spending some more time with them and catching up. 

It is amazing what some good news, some good exercise, time in the sun, and some socialization can do to fix your outlook and mood. I am hoping it persists as I finish up the summer's work here soon and will have some time off before school starts to hang out with some people. Then it'll be fun to get back in person at school and meet lots of new 1Ls and 2Ls. 

6/29/2021

 What have I been watching?: Euphoria

What have I been listening to?: Fuck Somebody - The Wrecks

Last meal I ate: Barrio - single soft shell flour taco with thai chili tofu, cilantro rice, and chihuaha cheese + chips and salsa and queso!

I had the craziest day. So this morning I finally got a meeting on Zoom with a professor from last semester. I had been trying to set up a meeting for a couple weeks but things were busy for him so it took a while to get ahold of him and find a time. The purpose of the meeting was to go over my final exam essay answers from the class I took with him last semester. It was my worst class, grade-wise, which is why I wanted to go over the exam. It was for a class that I knew would be my hardest exam, so when it was my worst grade, I was a bit disappointed but not utterly baffled. I had felt good about my performance by the time I submitted the exam, as I had studied really intensely to prepare, so I was surprised that I didn't get a higher grade. 

After catching up and chatting a bit, we finally got to the exam. The thing about law school exams (and probably exams in most scenarios) is that you kind of purge the information at some point after the exam. You just have to, to make room for studying for your other exams and for retaining information for the classes you take next. Forgetting what you learned and what you wrote for your exam is pretty common. I have looked at past exam answers that I wrote, maybe a month afterwards, and genuinely been like "I wrote this??" Which is why I wasn't sure at first when he put up the exam answer on the shared screen and I thought "I don't think this is my exam answer..." 

He was reviewing what the questions were about since I had forgotten a great deal of what the exam covered. It took me a few moments, as I looked at some of the sentences from the answer in front of me. I didn't recognize the sentences or the writing style. It seemed choppy, poorly written, disorganized, poorly planned. There were a few spelling errors that stood out to me right away on the screen--a "their" that should have been a "there." I interrupted and said "I am not recognizing this. Can you scroll to the next question?" Because there had been two main essay questions. The second involved arguing for a specific side--prosecution (state) or defense. I recall that you were supposed to identify at the beginning which side you would be writing for. He scrolled down and the first line of the second essay answer said "Counsel for defense." And that is when I knew for certain that the exam wasn't mine, because I had written for the prosecution, and I remembered that point specifically because I remember thinking I wouldn't have expected that to be my choice. And then I said, "Oh my god, I think I still have my outlined notes that I handwrote before typing up my answer." And I pulled them out and indeed, top of the second page of handwritten notes: "Counsel for state/prosecution." That's how I knew definitively that something was wrong.

The spelling errors and poor, hastily written sentences could have been mine, as you go through an exam so quickly that you don't think about those things and you don't have time to go back and proof. You're flying so fast in typing that little things like that happen inevitably. Had that been the only thing I noticed, I am not sure what would have happened in this situation. I would not have felt so certain about the fact that I didn't really recognize the answers as mine. Because it is easy to forget this stuff, and it's been over a month since I took the exam. But the fact that the second essay was arguing for the opposite side from what I had argued--both what I remembered having argued, and also what I had my handwritten notes to prove that I argued--was pretty conclusive. And like I say, I just really did not recognize the writing voice as mine. I outlined my answers in advance, so my answers would have been clearer. I am so fucking glad I still held on to my notes. Frankly, I'm not entirely sure why I did. I think I was going to hold onto them until after going over the exam with him. I think maybe deep down a small part of me wondered if there had been some mistake with my exam, and so I retained all my handwritten notes from studying as well as from the exam to prove that I studied so hard and that I identified all these various legal issues in the essays. 

He wasn't sure what to make of all this. The exam was done through Canvas. I am not sure how it works, nor how there could have been a mix-up. The grading is blind--I think a number is attributed to us in place of our names. I don't know how someone else's exam was attributed to my name, but I am so certain that is what happened. My professor was definitely confused. He confirmed that, according to Canvas, this was my exam. But it wasn't mine. I did not write those answers. So, presumably, someone else in my class got a grade for my exam answers. I can't say for certain whether it was a higher grade or not, but my inclination is that it is. 

My professor said he would reach out to IT to see if they can look into if something happened on Canvas. And if there was indeed a mistake on his end or on Canvas's end, my final grade can be corrected. That was a tremendous relief to hear because I had feared that after a certain point the grades were final, could no longer be altered, and that I would just be out of luck. I am just worried now that I'll get pushback. If IT says "Nope, there is no problem in Canvas. It says this is her exam." Then what happens? Will I have to fight this? Luckily, I have my handwritten outline. Everything I outlined went into my exam answer, in the order that I outlined it. So I can compare more closely with the answer that was purportedly "mine" and show how it isn't actually mine. My head has been absolutely spinning since this morning. Hanging up that Zoom call and sitting there like...if I should have received a better grade (which, at this point is my inclination, but again, I don't know), then my GPA would be higher (it went down because of this specific class grade). My ranking would in turn be higher. Minimal differences, but here's the thing. I have submitted many clerkship applications based on the GPA and rank which were calculated based on this grade that potentially is lower than it should have been. Clerkships are quite competitive. Competitive enough that having one's ranking go up a few spots could make the difference--between being selected for an interview and having your materials rejected. So, like I said, my brain has been absolutely spinning.

I want this resolved as soon as possible, obviously. I don't know how long it will take to figure this out, and like I said, I'm worried they'll be like "It's not possible." I don't know how it happened, but that shit was not mine. Where is my exam answer, and who got the grade for it? I will update as soon as I know more about what's going on with this.

Then I had a kind of busy day of work. I had a meeting with a supervisor for one of my positions pretty much right after the zoom meeting with my professor, so I was so overwhelmed at that point. I have to turn in a revised version of an assignment for that job tonight/tomorrow morning. Then I also was busy with work in the afternoon for my other position with the school's law clinic.

After that, luckily, I got to enjoy dinner out with my friend from school. I've had a number of classes with her and we are finally hanging out outside of school. We went to Barrio in Cleveland Heights, and it was great. We spent a good hour and a half catching up with everything. She had a crazy weird day too with some issues at her apartment, so we both had a lot to share.

I am home now, it is a slightly rainy evening, and it is hot as hell. My room is quite uncomfortable in the heat, as the only AC we have is from a window unit in the living room. I don't spend too much time in the living room, except for when I'm working at my desk out there. My room gets terribly hot, but apparently not so bad that I get up and go to the living room instead. I'm just not as comfortable out there. 

I will leave it at that for now. 

6/18/2021

 What have I been listening to?: Catching Feelings - Drax Project, SIX60

Last movie I watched: Cheaper by the Dozen 2

It is the summer of cycling. I have a new-to-me, used mountain bike. I have been taking it all around Cleveland. Trying to do longer and longer rides. Today I did my longest ride yet. It tracked at about 11.5 miles, but I think it was actually a bit longer because on two occasions I paused my watch to stop at an intersection to walk across or something like that and then forgot to continue tracking until a bit later. Today I went down through the Cultural Gardens to the Ohio Lakefront Bikeway. I didn't go far on the lakefront bikeway because I found after a bit that it actually just ended as it hit the highway. So I just turned around and went back through the Cultural Gardens. Perhaps I must have been right at the very end of it or it turned into an on-road section, as Google tells me its total length is 17 miles. 

On my rides, I bring my Nathan handheld water bottle and a Gu that I have about halfway through the ride.

Earlier in the week, I was only about two miles into a ride when I had a really unpleasant encounter. I was right outside of the law school as I was headed towards the Cultural Gardens. I was in the road, as there are bike symbols painted in the middle of the lanes, indicating that there is not a separate bike lane but that bikes can use the main lane itself. As I was approaching a four-way stop on this single lane road, a vehicle behind me went beside me (going out of the lane to do so) but then instead of going in front of me right away, they stayed at my side for a few moments. We were not far from the four-way stop, so there really wasn't room for anyone to go around and in front of me, and it was dangerous for this vehicle to attempt to do so because it forced me to the side--there wasn't enough space for them to get in front of me before the stop. The passenger side window was down and a man in the passenger seat was clearly very angry and speaking aggressively at me. I had earbuds in, so I didn't know what actual words were being said, but based on his demeanor and gestures, I can only assume he was not pleased that I was in the road. Perhaps he thought I was going too slow. I have no idea. It was genuinely very confusing and upsetting. I yelled back that I was where I was allowed to be and supposed to be. He continued being hostile and aggressive, and I gestured at the bike symbol painted literally directly in front of us in the road and yelled "what the fuck do you think that means?" I just kept getting yelled at, and I still don't understand why. After going through the stop, I went up onto the sidewalk because the vehicle was not giving me room to be on the road and it felt unsafe. I kind of regret going up onto the sidewalk, because maybe that made them think I was conceding in their anger and admitting I wasn't supposed to be on the road or something. It didn't help my case that several other bikers in the vicinity were on the sidewalk. But there is a lot of pedestrian traffic in that area, so it's really not the safer place to be. Even as the vehicle proceeded on ahead past me, they continued yelling out the window in my direction. The intensity of the situation made me wonder if I had earlier in my ride done something to warrant the reaction, like accidentally cut the vehicle off or something. But I have no recollection of having done so, and it will remain a mystery. 

From people I've talked to since, I have confirmed I was definitely in the right being where I was. I was allowed to take up the full lane if I so desired. It was a really scary experience getting yelled at so insistently like that. I am conflict-averse, and having a full-grown man in a vehicle that could very easily force me out of the road or knock me over be so verbally aggressive at me made me feel awful. I had only just begun my ride, but after another block or so, I pulled over at some tennis courts and sat on a bench for a bit. Some tears were shed as I recounted the experience to my mom over the phone. It took a few days to get over. I didn't really want to get back on my bike and continue at the time. I remember feeling very sad that I was finally finding something to distract myself and something good to focus on, just to have someone come along and shit all over it.

I have pepper spray strapped onto my bike, but it never occurred to me to pull it out. It all just happened so fast. I felt unsafe, but I don't think that I would have been justified (at least, not legally) in pepper spraying the guy in that situation. Do you get to pepper spray someone for being scarily aggressive two feet away from you? There was no physical altercation, and I wouldn't have needed to pepper spray anyone to avoid a physical altercation (to my knowledge, although it occurred to me after the interaction that my cussing back at the vehicle could have resulted in someone pulling a gun on me or something). If I had to do the situation over again, I wouldn't hesitate to pull it out and threaten to spray him, though. 

On nearly every ride I've taken here in Cleveland so far, I have been honked at at least once. Yesterday, I was in a left-turn lane in the road stopped at a light. I was the first in that lane, with vehicles behind me. The light turned green, but alas, no green arrow. So, just as a vehicle in my position would have had to do, I had to wait for the oncoming traffic going straight to come through. As I waited, the vehicle behind me honked. Did they think that because I was on a smaller contraption than a vehicle that I could more easily slip through one of the gaps in the oncoming vehicles? Could they truly be so stupid as to not realize that it takes me quite longer than a vehicle to get up to speed in order to do that? They too would have had to pause, just as I was doing. I think they wanted me to proceed out a bit into the intersection, but I could see based on the number of cars oncoming that doing that would just result in me having to stop again in the middle of the intersection. 

Considering how little time I have spent with my bike here in Cleveland so far, it is concerning how many incidents and situations like this I have already had. I would not be at all surprised if, in my remaining year in Cleveland, I actually got hit or something. Don't worry, I am a helmet-wearer. I tend to not wear a tremendous amount of clothing as I'm biking, though, what with it being summertime. So if I wiped out, I would lose a lot of skin.

I have also been doing a bit of cross-stitching. My signature is cross-stitching "SUCK A BUTT" on hand towels lol. I had an old roommate back in River Falls who was talking about a manager she had at work who she didn't care for and she said "He can suck a butt." And I just remember thinking something about that phrase was so funny. I've been cross-stitching it on hand towels ever since. If my quality control were higher, I'd sell them on Etsy--I think there's a market for it. For now, I've just been giving them as gifts to people. For Christmas, I gave my sister-in-law a hand-towel that I cross-stitched "STAY GAY" on. She really liked it.

I've also been watching the Harry Potter movies as of a few days ago. They're all on HBO Max and I've just started the Goblet of Fire, which I think is my favorite. The first movie is honestly a bit of a drag to get through--the quality just isn't quite there and it's a bit awkward. 

Anywho, I'll leave it at that for now. If you see a cyclist in the road, slow down and give them plenty of space. Don't be afraid to hang back--you'll still get where you need to be.

-G

6/14/2021

 What have I been listening to?: Inside: The Album - Bo Burnham

What have I been reading?: The Last Season - Eric Blehm

Last movie I watched: When Marnie Was There

Well, well, well, look who's finally coming back to the blog, tail between her legs, somehow in an even worse mental state than before (well, maybe). 

When I left off in June of 2020, little did I know that things were only about to get worse. It's actually almost comical in hindsight how in June I was convinced that things were about as bad as they were gonna get. I was wrong. This summer represents the anniversary of the worst year of my life to date. Since I wrote last, the following has occurred:

• Got broken up with by a partner of over a year by text.
• Had to do both Fall 2020 and Spring 2021 fully remotely (it literally only just occurred to me as I typed that out that more than half of my legal education has been conducted online). When I return to law school this fall as a 3L (third and final year), I will be beginning only my second ever full in-person semester. 
• Interviewed with like 10 employers for Summer 2021 positions and got offers from none of them, resulting in me being forced to accept yet another unpaid position. I literally sat through multiple 3-hour Zoom interviews, some of which were with people who couldn't even be bothered to smile at me, and all I took away from it was trauma, a shaken sense of confidence, and a very smelly, sweaty blazer.
• A loved one passed away in March of this year. Not that I rank my loved ones on a scale of how much I would or would not want them to die, but if I had done so, this loved one would be one of the last people that I would have wanted to die. Like a top 5 loved one.

Those are the main traumas, I'd say. 

As of late, I've been listening to an obscene amount of podcasts. I go on at least one aimless walk per day, usually about 3 miles, while listening to podcasts. I am really just trying to find things to distract myself from acknowledging my consciousness. I listened to the TryPod (podcast by a YouTube group called the Try Guys) all the way through. Ran out of episodes and briefly had to face my despair before transitioning into a different podcast called Smartless, which is what I've been listening to most recently. Usually, music makes me very happy but I find it's a bit difficult at present because a lot of my music reminds me of people who are no longer in my life, or of memories that are painful. 

I finally have a bike, after about a year of wanting one. Apparently the beginning of the pandemic last summer prompted everyone and their second cousin to take up cycling, so I was finding it difficult to acquire a bike. Luckily my mother found a listing on Craigslist for a used Trek mountain bike and we were able to pick that up while I was home briefly in Wisconsin. So now if you see me very slowly ascending a very minimal incline on a yellow bike with silver butterfly decals, mind ya business.

Just kidding, I quite like the bike and my legs are getting stronger with each ride. I live around the top of a pretty decent hill, with Little Italy right below me. At first, the idea of making it up that hill on bike was not one I could realistically entertain, and I walked the bike up when I had to go that way. Then one day I said to myself, "If you make this ride a short one, you can attempt the hill and maybe have enough strength left to do it." So that's what I did, and I did manage to get up the hill without having to stop and walk. Having to cross the intersection at the top of the hill with legs the fortitude of single strands of limp linguini was a bit dicey, though. But last time I attempted the hill (yesterday), I got up it with even less difficulty. If my legs aren't absolutely shredded by the end of the summer, I'll be pissed.

I tend to have a terrible memory and can't really remember what sorts of things I've been doing. Back in my foreign exchange days, the remedy for that was to look at the many photos I'd taken--they would remind me of what all I had done and the places I'd been. Well, I don't take nearly as many photos anymore. But in perusing what few photos I have as of late, here are some that will give a sense of things.

My gorgeous, talented, dear friend Claire got married last summer

The meal I had during a study session at Presti's for Fall 2020 finals

Camping with a couple of friends last summer, Governor Knowles State Forest

A hiking daytrip at Cuyahoga Valley National Park with my brother and sister-in-law who visited from Wisconsin

Finals study group conducted via Zoom, yet again

My sister's new Corgi puppy named Finn

Yeah, I really don't have many more photos over the course of the last twelve months. School-wise, things have been going academically well, although so far, as I alluded to above, that hasn't translated into anything tangible job-wise. In Fall 2020, I had Constitutional Law, Professional Responsibility (ethical rules), Transactional Legal Writing (contracts and stuff), and Copyright Law (I got the top grade). This most recent semester, I had Criminal Procedure (spoiler alert: your Miranda rights are far worse than you could have ever imagined), Trademark Law, First Amendment Law, and Employment Discrimination. Employment Discrimination actually ended up being my favorite and was a super interesting and practical class. 

Excitingly, my Note (long paper for writing requirement) turned out very well and was selected for publication in my school's law review. It also won the school's Sindell Torts Prize for best essay in the field of torts. To be honest, I think that is my proudest achievement so far in law school. Once that has been published, I will see if I can share it on here somehow. That paper is about agricultural nuisance and Right to Farm laws. I will be writing another piece for publication in the following volume of the law review as well. For that piece, I'm hoping to do something animal law related, hopefully more focused on legal protections for animals.

I think I will sign off for now, but I will be back soon (I intend to not let another year go by, this time). I'm going to go have a bike ride, I think. 

Extremely well said.

-G