5/23/22

 What have I been watching?: The Kardashians

I have been in Milwaukee for one week, and I am loving it. There is so much activity here, so much good energy, so many beautiful parks and outdoor spots, so many bustling bars, breweries, restaurants, etc. 

On the 17th, I moved into my apartment with the assistance of my family. The building is brand new with tenants starting leases only as of May 1, so there are not very many residents yet. I have a one-bedroom apartment with a gorgeous, large balcony overlooking Walker's Point. I am close enough to the highway to see the cars speeding past a block or two away out my windows, which makes getting on the road to go to other parts of Milwaukee super easy. 

Bathroom pre-unpacking

Living room area with view of balcony

Living area plus partial view of kitchen

Although I've barely even lived in Milwaukee yet, I have already had the chance to get out and see friends and check out some spots. 

On Friday night, I believe it was, I had the wonderful pleasure of joining one of my future co-clerks and some of Judge's former clerks for drinks. I was in contact with my future co-clerk and she had let me know they were going to be going out to celebrate one of the current clerk's last day. I was so honored to be invited and knew I definitely had to take advantage of the offer and go out! I met them at the Juneau Park Traveling Beer Garden, where my future co-clerk treated me to a lovely root beer lol. It was raining on and off that day, and the seating there is outdoors, so eventually we relocated to another place. We ended up at the Knickerbocker, which I thought was so incredibly funny because when I had informed my old Contracts professor months ago that I had gotten a job in Milwaukee (she went to law school at UW Madison), she told me I had to check out the Knickerbocker. So I thought it was cool that one of the first places I ended up visiting in Milwaukee was the place she had mentioned. Cool coincidence. 

Also present that evening was another Judge's clerk and, like I mentioned, some of my Judge's former clerks. I recognized and remembered a few of the former clerks from when I had interviewed last summer. Everyone was so amazingly kind, welcoming, and open. We chatted and laughed sooo much. They toasted to my recent graduation and shared lots of intel and funny stories with me. I felt so, so grateful to be included and to be having such fun with these folks within only a few days of me getting to Milwaukee. The next morning when I woke up, I seriously wondered if I had dreamt it all because it was so fun and hilarious. We all exchanged numbers, and I hope we can hang out again before the current clerks (and recently former clerks) leave town.

This most recent weekend, my brother Tim and my sister-in-law Taylor came over from Madison and spent Saturday afternoon and evening with me. Then they spent the night and we explored Sunday morning as well. On Saturday, we went to a plant shop I had discovered on Instagram called Maranta. Tim and Taylor are plant crazy. They have dozens and dozens of plants in their apartment in Madison, and next time I visit there, they said I can take a few home with me.

I didn't have any plants to bring with me from Cleveland due to a tragic series of events culminating in me "burning" all of my plants with fertilizer spikes (rip). It was for the best probably because transporting them all would have been very cumbersome. I picked out two larger plants at Maranta because I wanted a few bigger plants rather than a bunch of little plants scattered around. I would have bought even bigger ones, but we wouldn't have been able to transport them in my car. At the apartment, Tim helped me repot one of them into my largest pot. However, that pot may be cursed because I had a ficus in that pot at one point, which I had christened Mother Fiker. Mother Fiker perished slowly over a long period of months.

We then had pizza at a place nearby called Fixture Pizza Pub. It was within walking distance and gave me a good chance to look around at the other shops and restaurants on the nearby streets. We liked the place, although I tried artichoke on pizza for the first time, and I don't think I would do so again. 

The next morning, we checked out the Mitchell Park Domes. The Domes house Milwaukee's botanical gardens. It was absolutely gorgeous and a super cool visit. The tropical-themed Dome was soooo hot and humid that we were all sweating.

Then Tim and Taylor headed back to Madison because I had to get back to my bar prep. Bar prep is going pretty fine so far. It is hard to tell sometimes if I am on track or not. My first batch of subject matter has been Contracts and Sales. I did not take Sales, but I did have a very rigorous and comprehensive Contracts class which seems to have covered almost everything I need to know for the bar. I have also had to do some Family Law, which I also did not take in law school. I don't care much for Family Law as a subject matter, to be honest.

Then on Sunday night, I had plans to see an old coworker of mine from Culver's! I have worked at multiple Culver's in the past, and one of my former coworkers had relocated to Milwaukee some time ago. So we knew we had to meet up once I got to town. We met for dinner and then watched a Kardashians episode at my apartment. It was soooo good to see him and catch up. I think we will plan to hang out again. I suggested we hit the beach once it gets hotter, and I also want us to take a trip one of these weekends to the nearest Ikea. 

I am feeling seriously so grateful for the wonderful days I have had in Milwaukee so far. To already have had such welcoming, friendly experiences with people here seriously makes my heart swell. I am feeling comfortable in my new apartment, and feeling positive with my nice view, the good light, the bright walls, etc. I do need a few more things for my apartment, though. I just have my futon in my living area, so I am looking for an armchair or similar to add some more seating. There also isn't overhead lighting in the living area or my bedroom, so I've ordered a floor lamp for here in the living area. I was considering getting a desk for bar prep, but I am on the fence about it. I have been studying on my futon, on the treadmill in the apartment gym, on my balcony, and while sitting at my kitchen cart table thing. Also this morning I spent about four hours studying at a coffee shop nearby. So while I would likely use a desk to some extent, I definitely don't need one. I also still need a TV stand, and my TV is currently just sitting on the floor. A bookshelf or some other kind of storage would also be good as currently I don't have anywhere to put my books and to display my various knickknacks, photos, awards, etc. 

Oh also today after my studying, I swung by the UW Milwaukee Police Department because my friend told me that they give away free steering wheel locks for Hyundai and Kia owners. Why, you ask? Because apparently they are the easiest vehicles to steal! I had no idea. They are disproportionately among the most frequently stolen vehicles in the city. I am, as you have probably deduced, an owner of one such vehicle. So I took advantage of the free steering wheel lock, although I do not yet know how to use it.

On my way to the UW Milwaukee campus, I got to like drive this route along the lake. It was sooooo gorgeous and I'd had no idea!!! The beach is like...fucking pristine. I saw Bradford Beach, and it had a Tiki Bar and a bunch of volleyball courts. The beach was so well-groomed and had such beautiful sand. And I had thought Edgewater was a decent great lakes beach! I can't wait till it gets hot enough to go to Bradford Beach. The scenery was just generally so beautiful along there, and there were these huge gorgeous mansion-like houses on the cliff opposite the lake. My jaw literally dropped while I was driving past.

Bye!

5/21/22

 What have I been watching: Try Guys videos on YouTube

What have I been listening to?: Landslide - Fleetwood Mac

Wow, so much has happened over the last two weeks or so that I'm really gonna struggle to recall everything. On the 14th, I graduated from law school! It was a very full day. Clare and I, and our families, had to be up pretty early because we participated in a morning awards ceremony. Clare was recognized for having won an award for best oral advocate last year. I was recognized for a torts writing competition award from last year, and also received an award for excellence in employment and labor law. I only ever took one class in that subject matter--employment discrimination--so they must have kind of been scraping the bottom of the barrel for that one. 

After that awards ceremony, there was a luncheon at the law school. Absolutely horrible catering. The school served raw wraps on graduation day?? Smfh. Eventually, the graduates had to convene in a few classrooms to get into our regalia and get in order. Next to my placecard in the classroom, the word "silver" was handwritten. My friend Andy also had that designation, and I said "what does it mean??" He said "magna cum laude!" I was so psyched because I had been I thinking was kind of right on the fringe between magna cum laude and cum laude. We were reranked after this semester's grades, but it had not been made publically available to us yet, so we were going into graduation somewhat blind. I thought that was really strange. Two classmates were honored with the designation of summa cum laude, while about 10 or so of our class of ~114 received magna cum laude. This also meant that I was inducted in to the order of the coif. Don't ask me what it is because I really couldn't tell you. 

The graduating class made a procession from the law school to Severance Hall, about a block or so away. Originally, thunderstorms had been forecasted for the day, but they held off! Families and guests of graduates lined the path from the law school to Severance Hall to cheer us on as we proceeded on. At times, we had to stop and stand in place for a few minutes, and for a while to wait for the guests to take their seats in Severance Hall. We were stopped in full sun in our heavy, velvet regalia and everybody was super hot and sweaty. 

Eventually, we made it to our own seats in Severance Hall. I've never been before, but it's the orchestra hall in Cleveland. Very fancy. Our deans spoke, and then newly elected mayor of Cleveland, Justin Bibb, spoke. Mayor Bibb is an alum of the law school, so it was kind of cool. He had a very commanding and charismatic presence. Definitely a politician. Next, our SBA co-presidents each spoke. They are pictured in a photo below. Both of them are absolutely amazing people. I had the honor and privilege of litigating a trial with Makela, co-President, in October, and that definitely bonded us for life. 

Posing with my lovely Student Bar Association Co-Presidents, Makela and Nadia

Next came the awarding of diplomas. I appreciate that Mr. McCarthy, who works in student services at our law school, clearly took a lot of time and effort with peoples' name pronunciation. My diploma folder does not actually have my diploma in it yet, as those who were awarded honors have to wait to receive updated diplomas that reflect the honor. 

After those formalities, eventually we all filed out and took a few more photos in our regalia. I met (or rather, saw) Niko's family very, very briefly, for the first time in three years! Their children are all graduates of higher education at this point, so they've gone through a lot of graduations. 

Day ones -- Clare, me, Niko

Clare, me, and our families next had dinner reservations in Little Italy. We had to wait quite a bit past our reservation time, which I was not terribly pleased about. Everyone seemed to enjoy their meals though!

After graduation, we also had to quickly return our rental robes ($170 rental for about three hours' of wear smfh). Clare then had to finish up her packing because her and her parents were planning to leave early the next morning. She didn't waste any time in getting out of Cleveland lol. She woke me at 7:30 (planned, not spontaneously lol) so I could walk out and say goodbye to her and her parents. They had packed up the car and were ready to go. All that was left to do was say goodbye (or rather, see you later). Clare is not a terribly emotion-forward person. We contrast in this respect. So it was meaningful to see that she was clearly kind of upset at having to part. We lived together for three whole years. We went through some of the most difficult times of our lives together. At times, we were separated by Covid, but always became reunited in our Cleveland Heights apartment.

We hugged and I joked with her parents and I followed along with their vehicle on the sidewalk for a few steps before stopping and watching them exit our street. I felt vaguely fine, perhaps just still sleepy, and I walked back inside alone. That was when it all hit me and I just started sobbing. There is no question that I will see Clare again, and we will always be friends. But certainly the realization of the finality of this chapter hit me in that moment. We would never again live in our old apartment. We can never do this chapter again, or be in these roles together again. If we come together again in the future, we will be lawyers, not law students. Hopefully that will only make things even better. 

I had a similar experience saying so long to Niko. He is moving into his parents' for the summer for bar prep. They are only about 40 min outside of Cleveland. He stopped by my apartment briefly to say goodbye while on his way to his parents' to drop off some of his stuff. We joked and hugged in the courtyard of the apartment before separating. Again, it did not hit me until I sat down inside and sat with it, and realized that I didn't know when I would see him again. Niko has been one of my biggest supporters in law school, always lifting me up. He laughs at literally almost everything I say, which really bloats my ego. He is a kind-hearted, jovial, wonderful person. He is mad funny and such a pleasure to have as a friend. 

I had to do a lot of packing up myself. My mother was dismayed at what she viewed as an excess of belongings on my part. As the last roommate in the apartment, I had to do quite a bit of the final cleaning. I wasn't sure how clean it really had to be considering the owners are going to be renovating every unit. Nevertheless, I had a feeling they would be petty and charge me for things despite the fact that they were going to be renovating anyways. We left the apartment looking as good as it was when I moved in. 

I am tremendously indebted to my mother, my brother, my sister, and my sister in law with helping so much with all of this cleaning, as well as with helping me sort through my belongings. Taylor in particular was really helpful in being like "keep or throw" with random items and things in the fridge. Having to decide in the split-second was a super efficient way to go about it. No time to be like "maybe I will use it for this at some point in the future..." 

Tim and Taylor had to leave us a bit early to get back to Madison for work the next day. Then myself, my mother, my father, and my sister headed towards Griffith, Indiana, where my aunt, uncle, and cousins live. They hosted us for dinner and overnight so that we could do the remainder of the drive to Milwaukee the next day. They were so, so kind and had graduation balloons tied to the porch for me! In addition to the wonderful dinner, they had a strawberry cake for me too! We had such a nice time and it was so wonderful to see them. As kids, my siblings and I always looked forward to going to Griffith each summer. Eventually, those trips stopped and we don't see those family members as much anymore. 

We headed out towards Milwaukee that next morning around 10:30 and arrived in really good time, around 12:45. I am now closer to them than I will be to my parents up in northern Wisconsin! I will probably do a full post about my apartment and furniture and everything at a later date, since I need to return to bar prep here soon. But for now I will just say that I think the neighborhood is awesome, I am super close to the highway and so it's literally like half a block and I'm on the highway to wherever I need to go, I have the balcony I've always wanted, and it's wonderfully bright and full of natural light. This apartment is more than anything I ever reasonably imagined for myself. Our Cleveland Heights apartment was adequate, but it featured loud rusty radiators (over which we had no control), the occasional mouse, cracking walls, a non-functioning dishwasher that existed only as an additional kitchen surface, a toilet installed crooked such that the bathroom door could open without hitting it, among other things people probably wouldn't choose for their own apartments. My new apartment is brand new, never before lived in by anyone. It has big windows and a sliding glass door, keypad entry, stainless steel appliances, brand new countertops, and a walk-in closet. It's out of control. The only thing it doesn't have that I could possibly ever still ask for is a bath tub. Pictures of the apartment will come in a future post.

My street in Milwaukee

I recall the first week or so that I lived in Cleveland Heights after moving there from River Falls. I felt very restless, unsure of my decision to move and attend law school. I do not feel the same way here. I feel happy to be here, pleased with my living situation, happy to know that my family members are within an hour to four hours away. I have a comfortable space to do my bar prep and to explore the city before my job begins in August. I'm so grateful that I am in a better place for this move than I was for my last one.

Until next time.

5/7/2022

This post is all about BOOKS. Again.

As I mentioned in my last book post, my goal for 2022 was to get back into reading for pleasure and for personal growth and knowledge-gathering. My goal for the year was to read at least 75 books. So far I am on track! I'm going to pick up where I left off after the last book post. Got a whole new batch of books I've finished! I'll let you know what I thought of them and what rating I gave them.

• The Hours - Michael Cunningham

I was having major dejavu with this book. I was like...either I've read this before or I saw a movie adaptation of this book. I looked it up and there was indeed a movie adaptation, and I'm pretty sure I must have seen it years ago because I don't think I read the book previously. I thought the book was well written but at the same time it didn't leave really any impression on me, nor did it leave me really wanting to continue reading. It was fine enough to continue reading but there was no internal urge to continue reading. This book was just fine. I rated this book 7.5/10.

• Breathing Lessons - Anne Tyler

Stranger reading this: I don't presume to know how you value your time or what your life is like, but I think I can justifiably make a broad assumption that it would be a waste of your time to engage with this book. This book was so painful to read--and it was a slow, drawn out pain. I selected it because it was a Pulitzer Prize winner, and I assumed that spoke in some sense to the book's quality. I am now no longer convinced that winning a Pulitzer Prize means anything. I truly cannot even speculate as to what criteria could have been relevant to awarding this book a prize. I really had to force myself to continue reading. I should have given up on it. It wasn't worth my time--not just that, honestly it detracted from my general mental well being just by how much it generally pissed me off and was such a disappointment. It was a huge disappointment despite the fact that I had no idea what it was even going to be about and only assumed that it would be at least adequate. Was I wrong to expect adequacy? Christ.

The main female character was made so horrifically unlikeable and such a stereotypical middle age woman. She was nagging, overbearing, insecure, inserting herself into other peoples' lives, doing whatever the fuck she wanted, over emotional, hypocritical, and in a questionable marriage where her husband was kind of harsh with her. I don't want to fucking hear it. I don't want to fucking read about it. I'm a woman and I don't want to fucking read about this unlikeable, pathetic, drama-seeking woman who managed to fuck up like four peoples' lives within the like 24-hour span in which this book took place. It paints women, and middle-age married women specifically, in such an embarrassing and ugly light and is so riddled with stereotypes. Shame on this author, honestly, for putting out this portrayal of women.

It literally drained me to finish this book. It mentally fatigued me, and not in like a fulfilling, euphoric way where you're like wow I'm mentally spent but it was worth it because this was deep, and meaningful, and emotional. Instead, it was mentally fatiguing in the sense of 'I have just been put through some bullshit and for what? For what? I got nothing out of this.' This book was toxic, and in a pitiful, shallow way. I would be grasping at straws to try and find some redeeming, likeable aspect of this book or the story.

I rated this book 3/10, which in hindsight I think is quite generous.

• People we Meet on Vacation - Emily Henry

I rated this book 8.5/10. I thought it was overall quite good. This was the second Emily Henry book I read, the first being Beach Read. I liked this one even more than Beach Read. It felt a little more realistic/relatable than Beach Read, but I'm not really sure why. It was a pleasure to read. You could pretty well predict what was going to happen, but these are happy ending books and that's what people expect when they read them. In fact, that's why most people seek them out in the first place. So, as I said regarding Beach Read, I thought this was good for what it was. It was fun, humorous, and I was compelled to keep reading and get to the happy ending.

• Conversations with Friends - Sally Rooney

I rated this book 8/10. This was my least favorite of Sally Rooney's novels so far, which is not to say that I disliked it or that it was bad. Her other novels were just great and they shined brighter for me. Sally Rooney's classic, recognizable writing style continued here. What was different for me with this novel compared to Normal People and Beautiful World, Where are You was that this book felt a bit more toxic. The main character is a bit immature and hypocritical, engaging in toxic behaviors, damaging her relationships, and damaging her own self of sense. It can be a little difficult to read at times, just in terms of like...being a downer. This book was darker than the other two novels--there is a potential trigger of self harm in this novel which is illustrative of that. I don't regret reading it, and still thought it was overall fairly good, but it wasn't my favorite by any means.

• The Great Believers - Rebecca Makkai

I had no expectations for this book. I didn't even know what it was about, I must have selected it based on its cover, which of course is a classic no-no. But that strategy paid off here because this was one of the best books I've read in 2022 so far. I rated it 10/10 without hesitation. 

This book is set in several different time periods, but what stuck with me most was the setting in the 80s and 90s in Chicago. A community of gay men is slowly and devastatingly being ravaged by the AIDs crisis. There is immense beauty and love in their relationships, in their support of each other before and after death, in the caring shown for friends who are being eaten from the inside out by AIDs. There is also fear and anxiety in medical uncertainty and a general ignorance and misunderstanding of the transmission of AIDs. There is hope, albeit not particularly strong, in the potential for a cure tomorrow, the next day, or next year. There is, overall, devastating grief as one by one friends, siblings, lovers, and sons waste away. Despite this, the main character Yale strives to make a difference and do right for the people around him, wanting to make a positive impact on the world. 

I fear I've done a terribly inadequate job of describing the complexity of this novel, but let it suffice to say that I would not hesitate to recommend it. It was so beautifully written and so emotionally complex. Please read it.

• How Beautiful We Were - Imbolo Mbue

Right after one fantastic book was another. I rated this book 9.5/10. This was a story about existing in colonization, generation after generation after generation. The point of view throughout the book, chapter by chapter, switches between the different generations. At one point, it may be told from the perspective of a mother. At the next, it may be told through the perspective of the village children, collectively. At another point, it is told by a bedridden grandmother. I thought this was an awesome way of telling the story and giving everyone an authentic voice. 

This was undoubtedly a devastating read. It's a story of an uphill battle, of injustice, of perseverence, of subjugation. I also want to draw attention to a potential trigger of sexual assault. This story is well worth reading, and it was another of my favorites of 2022 so far.

• Intimacies - Katie Kitamura

It's not clear to me what, if anything, I was meant to take away from this book. I found aspects of the story interesting. For example, the main character works at the International Criminal Court as a translator, which I thought was very interesting. But it's not clear to me what development/growth the main character experienced, or even what the main conflict of this book was. I don't really understand the other characters' roles in the story. If there was some deeper meaning to this book, I did not pick up on it. It all kind of culminated in...nothing in particular? This book left very little impression on me. 

I rated this book 6.5/10. You could go either way with it. If you're on the fence, I would say pick something else that will leave a better impression on you.

• Ask Again, Yes - Mary Beth Keane

Again, this one didn't do too much for me. I really don't have too much to say about it. It was fine. It didn't really move me, but it was alright. I rated it 7/10.

• Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe

This was written by a man, and it shows. It shared similarities with "How Beautiful We Were," but I liked "How Beautiful We Were" much better because that novel gave a voice to the women, to the children. We heard about their perspective of what was going on in the village and how the colonization and imposition of Christianity was affecting them. We heard their thoughts and their worries. 

Instead, in Things Fall Apart, it's a very male-centric and patriarchal take on colonization. Lots of toxic masculinity in here. The main character is unlikeable, and maybe that's just more realistic. He is toxic, violent, insecure, and brash. His wives and children are, of course, mentioned and play small roles in the story, but they exist only to the extent that they relate to him--the main male character. They exist only through the male lens. They exist only for him. They have no voice of their own, so they appear so small, unimportant, and not deserving of attention or respect. Of course it's true that that's how it was--he was the leader of the house and his family existed to serve him. But that doesn't mean his wives and children are not people themselves with unique feelings and perspectives, and to omit all of that feels like an erasure of sorts. This purely male narrative and perspective is one I'm fairly tired of, which is why this novel didn't leave as good of an impression on me as "How Beautiful We Were" did. I created Things Fall Apart 7.5/10. 

Despite my criticisms and scrutiny, I still think it's very worth reading, but I also think there is a lot to be gained from reading both this one and "How Beautiful We Were" to realize just how dominating the patriarchal lens in history can be.

• We are All Completely Beside Ourselves - Karen Joy Fowler

I rated this book 9.5/10. It was such a pleasant surprise. I had no idea what it was about. Imagine how pleased I was to discover this book, in large part, was about our relationships with animals and how horrific animal experimentation is. The perfect book for me. It made us, the readers, face the truth about how hypocritical we are when it comes to animals. We love them--something beyond fondness, oftentimes--and sometimes go so far as to treat them like children. Meanwhile, the same species or species with similar intellectual and emotional capabilities are brutalized for our vanity and our palate. And we allow this. We know of it, but we choose not to think of it too much, lest we become too aware of the dissonance and the hypocrisy. 

This book really drew me in. There were strong emotional pulls. I became very invested in the story. It was actually the first (and so far, only) book of 2022 that made me cry. I shed more than just a few tears. This was a work of fiction, but there were so many important truths in it, and it felt so very real. It was quite emotionally devastating at times, and I think the ability of a book to make me genuinely heart broken is so incredibly impressive. It is, in my opinion, the sign of a truly well written and good book. Here, siblings are torn apart, and years and years are spent grieving but also experiencing debilitating guilt as one sibling tries to remember their role in things and whether they are to blame for the separation. I'm really grateful for what I took away from this book. I learned a bit about the Animal Liberation Front, which I found super interesting as I had only vaguely heard of them before. 

• Red, White, and Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston

My sister in law lent me the paper copy of this book several years ago. I didn't get around to reading it until now. I rated it 8/10. 

Like Emily Henry's books, this was a happy ending story. It's a romantic comedy in written form. I will give it to this author--parts of this book were actually quite funny. Like the comedy expressed by the characters really "hit" for me. It was sweet, it was fun, it was humorous, it was aspirational and progressive. No major complaints.

• 438 Days: An Extraordinary True Story of Survival at Sea - Jonathan Franklin

Wow! Another 10/10. This was a fantastic work of non-fiction. I highly, highly recommend it. This is a true story about a man from El Salvador who is working on the Mexican coast as a fisherman. Due to overfishing, he and his fellow fishermen are forced to go farther and farther out for a decent catch--in this case, about 100 miles out. It is there--about 100 miles off the coast--when this fisherman and a first mate are caught in a historic storm. But it is not this storm that does them in. I will leave it at that, so as not to spoil the rest of this extraordinary story. Of course, given the title, we know generally how the story goes. But there are so many intricacies and turns in the story that are surprising.

One of my favorite books is Life of Pi, not even for the sea survival story, but for the emotional depth and intensity that comes out of a situation like that. This was basically the nonfiction version of that, spare the tiger. It was emotionally devastating (my favorite, if you haven't noticed). And it was all true. For the e-book version that I read, there was even a handful of photographs at the end, which helps remind you "holy shit. He really went through all that. This is a real dude."

I recall last summer or summer before that, I read Into Thin Air and really enjoyed that as well. That is a survival story from Everest. This has very similar themes of perseverence, exhaustion, at times hopelessness, and human ingenuity. Another difference is that Into Thin Air is written in the third person, whereas 438 days is written in the third person. 

That's the end of this batch of books. Hope you enjoyed. I'm still reading, so another book post will appear in the future!

5/1/2022

I have finished law school. 6 semesters. 3 years. Fall 2019 to Spring 2022. On Friday the 29th at 1:00 PM, I began my last ever law school exam. It was for my Evidence class (quite a substantial one to have left for last, would not recommend it--also would not recommend litigating a trial without having taken a class on the rules of litigation--not an amazing strategy). I watched as Canvas counted down the last 9 seconds of my exam before self-submitting. Then I sat there, watching around me as my classmates turned in their scrap papers and exam booklets and left the room. I didn't close out the page for several minutes, anxious even after many experiences taking such exams that for whatever reason it hadn't ended properly or I had messed something up in the submission. By the end of these exams, I am always buzzing internally in a sort of overdrive mode. My fingers vibrate and I am sort of floating by the end.

When we left the exam after about three hours, I hugged my roommate Clare and my classmate Jilly. We had finished. Clare and I went down to our tiny lockers, which we hadn't accessed in quite some time, and emptied them out of old legal writing textbooks that we had never consulted. I don't expect that I will be back in the law school until commencement, if even then.

After each semester concludes, I think I will experience this euphoric relief and joy. Reality never quite matches that anticipation. This semester was no exception. I expected a climactic, euphoric finish to my law school career. Instead, I felt battered and drained. There was not enough mental space left in my brain to experience proper joy. Just tired, even though I had only really had to study for one exam. 

To be clear, I definitely felt relief. But it was more of a subconscious thing, and something that didn't surface really until the following days. I didn't consciously and actively feel relief at being finished. I felt vaguely like I had just come out of a traumatic experience. I most certainly do not want to belittle legitimate traumatic experiences--of course, this is an experience I signed up for and stayed with for several years. I could have given up at any point. Nevertheless, by the end of it, I felt kind of as if I had just exited a 3-year long trauma. I am fine, everyone--I am fine. But I have definitely been bruised and scarred! Not sure how someone could finish law school without some bruises and scars. During 1L year, I cried in the shower for the first time in my life. During 2L year, I spent hours upon frustrating hours correcting the minutiae of bluebook citations for articles that a total of four people outside of the law review will read (exaggeration, but then again maybe not). 

The evening after the exam, many of us 3Ls were conflicted between wanting to go out to celebrate and having to give in to rest our near-comatose selves. I read for fun for several hours, blissful of being able to stretch out my reading indefinitely, not needing to put it away to do something else. I had a bath and read some more. 

I am reading a book about a man from El Salvadore who was a fisherman in Mexico. He was fishing with a 22-year-old first mate, not his usual first mate and not someone with tremendous experience, when they were hit by a historic storm 100 miles from the Mexican coast. This wouldn't have done them in if the motor of their boat hadn't entirely given out a mere 20 miles from shore. In his last radio communication to shore, the man described that he could see the mountains but that he couldn't give his exact location. He implored those on shore to come find them since they could do nothing without their motor and said "I'm really getting fucked out here!" The radio died shortly thereafter. I'm about 65% through the book right now and despite being quite harrowing and anxiety-inducing, it is absolutely captivating. 

Now I'm sitting in Starbucks at Cedar Fairmount and thinking about how during these last few weeks I can do whatever I want around or outside of Cleveland. I mistakenly thought that the D.C. bar exam application opened today, so I set out this morning with my laptop to begin that process. I was mistaken, apparently--it does not open until the 12th. So I find myself with even more free time. I want to try to take advantage of this time before leaving Cleveland.

I want to go to the national park, Cuyahoga Valley, and attempt to trail run a little bit more, hoping I can get a mile or two in before my knees threaten me with extinction. I want to go to Good Night John Boys a little bit tipsy in my flare disco pants and blue eye shadow and dance to Earth, Wind, and Fire and Abba and Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. I want to buy affordable new overstock books at Horizontal Books that I will maybe eventually read two years from now, and I want to play Burgertime and Ms. Pacman at Pins Mechanical. I want to lay out blissfully at Edgewater in my bikini in the sunshine in 75 degrees with a breeze, earbuds in as I drift in and out of consciousness. I want to shake hands with my classmates and school friends and watch them chuckle and shake their heads as they take in the fact that I am shaking their hands despite being beyond that point in our relationship. I want to make Niko laugh at the stupidest shit that no one else finds funny but Niko always does, bless him.

Photos from the last week or so:

Drink with a popsicle in it (yum) at Pins Mechanical

Niko cheering me on in Ms. Pacman at Pins Mechanical

Our last ever study session at Prestis

Awesome brewery dinner featuring Bonnie the goodest girl

Brewery scrabble

Back to my book now.