Next batch of books is in!
- The Girls Who Went Away - Ann Fessler
This didn't quite do it for me. I rated it 5/10. The subtitle of this is: "The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade." I found this pretty repetitive. A large portion of the book consisted of relatively short narratives or snippets of narratives of women who gave up babies for adoption. So, so many of their stories, however, were almost indistinguishable. Being pressured into doing it, facing banishment from their families, being sent away to a home for expecting mothers. It got repetitive reading basically the same personal stories dozens and dozens of times. Maybe that sounds harsh. I think the point, to some extent, is emphasizing how many women had this same or similar experience. But I didn't need to read the same narrative over and over again for that point to get across. I was eager for the book to conclude.
To its credit, I did learn a bit about some things. I wasn't particularly familiar with the 50s and 60s era homes for expecting mothers. There was literally an industry for this. Young women would be sent to these homes to reside for months on end until they had their babies. It was an expensive affair, and the girls were sometimes told that if they "changed their minds" and decided to keep their babies, they'd have to pay the homes back for all the care they received during their stay. The girls, often high school or college age, had no money to their names, so they felt they had no choice.
Sometimes these homes were hours away from where the girls lived with their families. Families would tell relatives and friends that their daughters had gone away for illness or to care for a relative out of town. The girls all seemed to understand that everyone in town pretty much knew the truth of the matter, but that people just didn't really acknowledge it.
After having their babies, sometimes the mothers were able to stay with them for several weeks, but some had only days. Some were told they were not allowed to see the baby at all. The book talked about some mothers who joined networks later in life, decades later, to try to reconnect with their lost child.
- All the Single Ladies - Rebecca Traister
This was another one that I thought for sure I would love, and then I just didn't. I don't know if I just wasn't in a non-fiction mood, or if the book really was dull. For whatever reason, I just could not keep my eyes from glazing over while reading this one. I kept trying to fight it because I thought the subject matter would be interesting to me. But I'd "read" a paragraph or two, and then realize I hadn't actually read it or absorbed it at all, so I'd go back and try again. I did that over, and over, and over again. I usually don't struggle with that so much. So I think something about the way this was written just did not grab me. I rated it 5/10.
The main theme of this one is the increasing prevalence of women who choose to remain single and unmarried.
I took down some quotes:
"Sociologist Bella DePaulo has repeatedly pointed out that there are more than one thousand laws that benefit married people over single people."
"Always choose yourself first. Women are very socialized to choose other people. If you put yourself first, it's this incredible path you can forge for yourself."
"In the late 1860s, Myra Bradwell petitioned for a law license and argued that the 14th Amendment protected her right to practice. The Illinois Supreme Court rejected her petition, ruling that because she was married she had no legal right to operate on her own. When she challenged the ruling, Justice Joseph Bradley wrote in his decision, 'It certainly cannot be affirmed, as a historical fact, that [the right to choose one's profession] has ever been established as one of the fundamental privileges and immunities of the sex.' Rather, Bradley argued, 'The paramount destiny and mission of women are to fulfill the noble and benign offices of wife and mother.'"
"The early American attitude towards marriage, and men's and women's roles within it, corresponded to a doctrine of English common law known as coverture. Coverture meant that a woman's legal, economic, and social identity was 'covered' by the legal, economic, and social identity of the man she married."
- The Surgeon's Daughter - Audrey Blake
This was an enjoyable piece of historical fiction, and I rated it 7.5/10. The story alternates in perspective between a woman, studying medicine and endeavoring to become her country's first licensed surgeon, and the woman's partner, a man who is already licensed as a doctor and accepted in the community as such. The woman was mentored by one of the country's foremost surgeons, who raised her and taught her at his side. But because of her sex, the woman is forced to study medicine in another country. It is a gamble as to whether her own country will even allow her to work as a doctor, even after obtaining her medical degree.
- NSFW - Isabel Kaplan
This was a piece of modern fiction. It wasn't rated super, super well, but I did enjoy it. I rated it 8/10.
The story follows a 26-year-old woman trying to make a career for herself in TV and film production in California. She works first as a temp, then as an assistant to an executive. The woman struggles with her image and self-worth, with patriarchal standards and issues in her workplace, and with her relationships. Her relationship with her mother is poor and largely toxic.
What I liked about this book was that it felt realistic. I could resonate with some of the internal struggles that the main character had about how to react to the things happening around her, about her image and role in her workplace, and her frustration about being anxious about these things in the first place. The main character is the same age as me, and although I didn't share a lot of the same struggles, I could find her relatable in some respects. She was funny, too.
"'Beautiful class,' Gemma tells the teacher, and I nod in agreement, though I didn't understand half her comments. Move your elbows so your third eye rests on the mat. You are not your thoughts, and you are not your feelings. The hips are the garage of the body. I figure it's like religion. You don't have to believe everything to get something out of it. I feel like a wrung-out towel, but in a good way, sweaty and subdued."
"'You have to stop saying sorry so much,' he advises. 'Never say you're sorry if something isn't your fault. As soon as you say sorry, you take on responsibility for it, whatever it is, even if you couldn't have had anything to do with it. Say, "That sucks" or "How shitty," whatever you want. Just don't apologize.'"
"This is the part where you say hi, how are you? I've typed into my phone, only to then delete it. If I have to tell him to ask, I won't want to answer."
- The Marriage Portrait - Maggie O'Farrell
I enjoyed this piece of historical fiction, and I rated this 8/10. This book is based loosely on the life of a very young Italian duchess who, at roughly age 13 or 14, is married off to a 24-year-old Duke. The Duke was originally meant to marry the young girl's older sister, but when the older sister passes away before she can be wed, the girl's family is relieved to discover that the Duke has taken a liking to their younger daughter as well.
The young daughter is not so sure. She is nervous to leave her family and everything she's ever known. One of her caretakers, an older woman, helps her hide her period for a while so that the family does not discover that the daughter has become a "woman." But once the family discovers the daughter has begun her period, the marriage moves forward.
The two are married, and the young Duchess moves away with the Duke. She never sees her family again. When their union has, after nearly a year, failed to result in a pregnancy, the Duke conspires to kill her so as to replace her with a new wife.
- All the Living and the Dead - Hayley Campbell
I rated this piece of nonfiction 9/10. I really enjoyed this book's subject matter and the writing style. The author meets with different sorts of folks who work, in some capacity, in the industry of death. She meets with morticians, funeral home directors, autopsy technicians, grave diggers, and an executioner. She hears about their work and how it affects their lives. The executioner seems to be the last favorite individual with whom she meets because he distances himself from the responsibility and the role he played in the death of many incarcerated individuals. He disassociated himself from the act through religion, by saying that it was up to God, and he points back at the people being executed, saying they did what they did to put themselves in that situation.
She also speaks with a midwife whose sole job is to assist in delivering stillborn babies. Something about that one seems worst of all. A midwife who deals solely with families who know the baby they had been expecting will be delivered unbreathing. I don't know how someone could get through that, day after day.
Here are some quotes:
"It's also because of these appearances in pop culture that 'cryogenics' gets confused with 'cryonics'--the former is a branch of physics that deals with the production and effects of very low temperatures, while it's only the latter that preserves corpses for later revival. The confusion annoys both parties."
"Joan Didion wrote in The White Album, 'We tell ourselves stories in order to live . . . We look for the sermon in the suicide, for the social or moral lesson in the murder of five. We interpret what we see, select the most workable of the multiple choices.'"
"It seems that everyone on death row, from the prisoners to the wardens, to the politicians and judges who refused the pardons, shifted the weight of responsibility onto God. I've always been wary of anyone using religion as a shield, or a proxy; to me, they're choosing not to think too deeply on whatever it is they're doing because it doesn't matter, it's someone else doing it. They're only following orders from above."
- The Dark Net - Jamie Bartlett
This was a relatively interesting book. Not a lighthearted read, nor would it be reasonable to expect it to be. I enjoyed some sections more than others, and I rated this 6/10. I wanted to read about the dark web because I work in the legal field and am exposed to/work on criminal cases, some of which involve the Internet and child sexual abuse material (child pornography).
I learned about a browser named Tor that folks use to access the dark web and better hide their activity online. I also learned about an online drug market called the Silk Road. On it, you could buy a myriad of different kinds of drugs to be shipped to you. And on the Silk Road, you have to pay with Bitcoin, which is apparently a more secure currency. The Silk Road has apparently been infiltrated and shut down by authorities on a couple of occasions, I think, but a new updated version just takes its place.
The book talked about accessing pornography (both adult and child) on the web and the lucrative but risky business of being a cam girl. It talked about people who troll others online for no particular reason except for the sake of trolling. It talked about the risk of trying to exist confidentially on the dark Web and being doxxed (having your identity exposed). Specifically, the author recounted a situation in which a new and inexperienced cam girl showed her medication bottles in her live stream, which allowed ill-intended viewers to see the name of the prescribing physician and ultimately to identify the cam girl herself. She was then basically bullied (to put it mildly) off the dark web.
The book also discussed how the dark web is a place for radical/non-mainstream groups of people to gather and discuss things on forums. Specifically, I remember reading about forums advocating for and supporting self-harm, suicide, and eating disorders.
"According to research conducted by the charity the Lucy Faithful Foundation, nine out of ten internet sex offenders did not intentionally seek out child images, but found them via pop-ups or progressive links while browsing adult pornography."
"The most well-known of these groups, which has been in operation since long before the Web, is called the North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). Founded in the United States in 1978, their goal is to 'end the extreme oppression of men and boys in mutually consensual relationships,' although in truth it's hard to see how that really amounts to anything except the right of their members to fulfill their wish of having sex with children. NAMBLA members consider themselves to be misunderstood and persecuted in the same way homosexuals once were."
- The Rabbit Hutch - Tess Gunty
This was a somewhat bizarre book. The plot was very strange. I genuinely don't know how somebody came up with this plot. At the same time, however, the writing was quite good and at times poignant. I rated this 6.5/10.
Here are some quotes that stood out to me:
"Listen to me very closely: being looked at is not the same as being seen. If I can teach you anything before I die, let it be that."
"She feels like a demanding and ill-fated houseplant, one that needs light in every season but will die in direct sun, one whose soil requires daily water but will drown if it receives too much, one that takes a fertilizer only sold at a store that's open three hours a day, one that thrives in neither dry nor humid climates, one that is prone to every pest and disease."
"'Each man is an expert on himself, so--
'Person.'
'What?'
'Person.'
'When I say "man," I mean "mankind,"' explains Moses.
'Your speech is codified in patriarchal microaggressions.'"
"To have a nationality, a lover, a family, a coworker, a neighbor--the mother understands these to be fundamentally absurd connections, as they are accidents, and yet they are the tyrants of every life."
"'And just when things were looking up for Maria--demons gone, a spot of safety, a taste of health--she had a vision in which Jesus slipped a ruby ring on her fiance finger.' Blandine pauses. She normally tries to avoid saying in which out loud, to minimize the number of people who find her insufferable."
- The Maidens - Alex Michaelides
This was stupid, and I rated it 3/10. I'd say at least 65% of the time when I read something from the mystery genre, I end up regretting it. This was one of those times. I did not initially realize this was a mystery. I am stupid, and therefore I foolishly mistook this author for a different Greek author. I thought "oh cool, that author has another book out that I didn't know about." I started reading it and I was like "Hmm. The writing style is really, really different. Something is off." But by that point, I was already into it and figured I'd finish it. Questionable decision. This author is trash compared to the author for whom I mistook him (that other author is Jeffrey Eugenides, author of a fantastic book called Middlesex).
This plot was stupid and made no sense. I got towards the end and got the reveal of what's going on and was actually like "are you shitting me." I see now, too, that this same author wrote The Silent Patient, which I also thought was mediocre. Don't both wasting your time reading this book. Don't let the cool cover fool you.
