Ginger Pinkerton: 2/23/2020

What have I been watching?: Survivor (Season 12 currently, there are over thirty seasons in Hulu in case you were wondering)
What have I been listening to?: Original - Sia

Yeah, it's me. Where in the flying fuck have I been, you may be wondering. Well, I have been in Cleveland suffering through my first year of law school.

It has been over a year since I posted. It's kind of hard to come back to it now, for a lot of reasons:

I am more overwhelmed with school work than I have ever been in my life, and I have been kind of suffering mentally as a result
Life isn't quite as bright as it used to be (not always, but a lot of the time) and so I'm not sure how much I want to document that

I moved to Cleveland in August. It was kind of a heartbreaking affair, to be honest. I had one of the best summers of my life in River Falls. I fell in love with a sweet boy that I went on picnics with. I stepped out of my little apartment each day and went on runs in the sunshine, came back and collapsed in my room, and just basked in the exhilaration and the bright light shining through my bedroom window. The summer brought beautiful joy to my heart in so many ways, and in mid-August I had to pack it all up and move away.

I moved about 11 hours away to Cleveland, Ohio. I live on a cute street in Cleveland Heights with lots of old, but well-maintained, brick apartment buildings. I had never seen the apartment in person, nor the neighborhood, so I had no idea what to expect. Within about a week of moving in, I began orientation week for law school. That was a busy time, but it was nothing compared to the hell of the first week of classes. I know that my undergrad experience was easy, but the contrast between that experience and what I live now is obscene. That first week, I barely had time to eat meals or shower because I always had so much reading to do for the next day. I immediately questioned having ever decided to do this.

Things eased up once the weekend came around and I was able to start getting ahead on readings for the coming days. But it has still been a tiring adjustment. At River Falls, I worked part-time, played a sport, and worked out and ran regularly, all while attending school full-time, and it never felt overwhelming. Now, I struggle to find time to do things that make me happy and make me feel like myself again. I know this post is going to come off as super pessimistic and a total bummer, but this is the reality.

If you know me, you know that one of my favorite things to do is to go to the movies. Pre-law school, I went to the movies several times a month, at least. During my first semester of law school, I did not go to a single movie. My entire life changed.

I am in my second semester now and trying so, so hard (and failing, to be honest) to prioritize myself. I tell myself over and over again that I don't care if I end up with average grades, because it is not worth what I have put myself through. But my brain is the way that it is, and it will not let me not give my best effort to school. I am praying so hard that I can lower my standards so that I can chill out, but I have not yet been very successful in that endeavor.

It has not been all bad. To prove it, here is a bullet list of things that are good:

My contracts professor (last semester) is a Contracts god, and she got her JD from the University of Wisconsin-Madison
I am still running, albeit less regularly, and am improving. My longest run is now up to 8 miles and I can do it at an 8:40 pace.
One weekend I just said fuck it and drove 10 hours each way to see the cute boy that I fell in love with for about 36 hours (who I am still seeing) and seeing him for the first time since August was one of the most dream-like experiences I've ever had
I am a part of a fun trio of friends who enjoy a lot of laughs and make things a bit brighter at school (shout out to Clare and Niko)
I text my mother every day and we talk on the phone once a week. She is very supportive and makes me feel better
I now have a membership at Planet Fitness and on one of my first visits there, I finally reached my goal of doing 5 miles on the bike in 20 minutes. I've gotten close so many times and had never been able to cinch it until very recently.
I got to go home for a Fall Break in October, during which I was able to show up at my old frisbee team's tournament and see them play. I also went home for Thanksgiving, which was a quick break but still very needed, and then the day after finals I got in my car and booked it the hell out of here. Over winter break I spent some time at home and also some time in MN with my cutie.
I have a job (unpaid externship) secured for the summer, so I don't have to worry about that.

I usually hit the hay by 10:30 so I'm gonna sign off for now. There's so much more to tell but I'll try to post things a bit more regularly for the sake of documenting my life 'cause my memory's still trash.

A few photos to end it. Peace.