3/22/2018

What have I been watching?: Raising Hope
What have I been listening to?: Brazil - Declan McKenna
Last movie I watched: Love, Simon

Thoughts and Tidbits

• I've never been a morning person, but there's a good feeling associated with waking up early and being productive.  A few days ago I set my alarm for 6:30 to get up and train before class at 9.  When the alarm went off, I turned it off and laid back, not entirely certain that I was going to follow through with my gym plans.  I was on the fence, not totally dismissive of the idea of getting up but not totally motivated to actually do it.  And you know what made me get up?  It was a single thought that I had.  "Just fucking do it, you *****."  I'll leave that word out because its a word that I don't even like, a preference that some part of my brain hasn't caught onto yet apparently.  But that's the thought that pushed me up and out of bed.  Simple as that.  I went back to the gym in the evening to do a cardio session, determined to reach the goal I had set that day for myself.  45 minutes on the stairmaster (at level 6, if that means anything to you).  I never really push myself, because I figure, why?  I always justify it to myself like "oh, I've done a ton already so I'll just stop now."  But that's no way to get stronger.  Mind over matter.  If I convince myself that I can do it, then I can do it.  And I did do it, and it was great.
• A philosophical friend said to me a few hours ago "I want to be everything, and I want to be nothing."  I concur.
• I watched the movie Wild (with Reese Witherspoon) about a week ago and it has me quite inspired to backpack.  In the movie, Reese Witherspoon (who has no backpacking experience) decides to thru-hike the Pacific Crest Trail, which goes from the Mexico/US border to the US/Canada border.  In the movie, she's recently lost her mother, who died of cancer fairly quickly after being diagnosed, and so the journey is a cathartic experience for her.  I've been mildly interested in backpacking for a couple years now.  Unfortunately, my relationship with the outdoors is complex, in that I tend to like the idea of it more than the reality of it.  But I'm determined to give it a go, and I'd like to do it entirely on my own, to prove to myself that I'm capable of it.  That and I become more fond of solitude with every passing day.
• Speaking of solitude, I'm in the process of securing a one-bedroom apartment for this summer and next school year.  I don't necessarily dislike people, but I just much prefer living alone.  I like the independence, and I like not being disrupted by other people's routines and activities, not being woken up by their music or loud voices.  I will live on my own terms, according to my schedule, with my own comforts.  I will not have to deal with unwashed dishes, dirty mirrors, and others' personal belongings strewn about in common places.  I will not have to see my roommate's boyfriend every fucking day in my apartment.  I won't have to hear about my other roommate's sexual conquests.  I won't have to wait to get in the bathroom.  It will be exquisite.

I'm feeling pretty happy.  I've been doing well on my schoolwork, and I'm in the library almost everyday plugging away on papers and trying to get ahead so it doesn't all hit me in April.  It sometimes seems like I'm an efficient machine.  I feel good when I'm using my time productively and getting a lot out of my day.  I'm lifting 4 or 5 days of the week, and the weather's cleared up enough for me to start biking again for the first time since last year.  Lots to be happy about. 

And a new quote that has me feeling inspired:  Freedom lies in being bold.
-G